Artist and mom on Instagram - curse and blessing

Instagram. I watched the ARTE Instagram documentary yesterday. And it made me sick. It wasn't that much new information for me, but it was all concentrated. And I ask myself, why am I back on this platform? Three years ago I deleted all my social media profiles. Freed myself. Of those other to dos. These time wasters. This self-dramatization. This addiction to curiously "poking around" in other lives. At that time I also wanted to let my art be forever. I had the feeling of having failed. I didn't know myself what I wanted to do in the future. And to be unround myself, to have no plan and to keep up self-expression was too much for me.

Yes, and then last year several coincidences made it possible to try my luck as an artist again and this time with full power, namely also as my own art gallery with online store. But I didn't want to use social media channels, because I was too afraid of losing myself in self-dramatization again, of making self-confidence dependent on reactions, and of becoming addicted to all those pictures and people.

My brother, who supports me technically with the online store, kept recommending me to use social media channels as well: "How are people supposed to know your pictures?" he kept asking me. Yes, and at some point I was convinced. But this time only professionally. Only for the SCHUBERT GALLERY. Only via an external content management platform. I never want to become a direct victim of this machinery again. Yes, and again and again it works out quite well. I use a platform where I pre-program posts, for example I create all the posts for two weeks fixed ready and they are then posted automatically and I don't even have to be online. Just like last week when I was on vacation with my family in Vorarlberg. I didn't have my "social media phone" with me and the posts were automatically posted online. What is a "social media cell phone"? Yes, I honestly admit to being so "unstable" that I need an extra cell phone for social media that I actively stash in a drawer, actively leave at home when I'm on vacation or go on trips with my family. Out of sight, out of mind.

My brother thinks I'm very weird since then, I think: "You can put Instagram in an extra folder on your phone, then you won't see the app. Or you can put a time limit on the app or lock it yourself". Yes, I'm old-fashioned in that respect. A cell phone for leisure. A cell phone for work. Of course, it's totally stupid when my husband sees me lying on the couch with both phones. So yes, the system is not yet fully developed. But it will!

But what I'm actually getting at now is that yes, Instagram makes my art visible. Yes, through Instagram people become aware of my art and buy my art. That's how my dream comes true. My dream that I've always had. To be an artist and to be able to live from my art. And even more: through Instagram I have exchanged ideas with other creatives and similar thinkers in Vienna and internationally. Yes, I even met these people partly then in offline life! And then also: through Instagram I follow women I admire. I have learned a lot through them. That weaknesses are ok. That all people have weaknesses. That many have self-doubt. I've learned about books through Instagram that I can't live without in my life. I follow people who inspire me to be more myself. I have created my bubble that is good for me.

But why am I even active on the platform when I pre-program my posts? Because since I've been a mom, I often give hours of sleep support to my daughter. She only falls asleep while nursing and even then she sometimes wakes up after a short time. For a long time I felt very isolated in my new role. Helpless and desperate. Alienated. And then I kept taking my "social media phone" with me when I went to sleep so that my daughter wouldn't see or hear it, stretched far away from her head. And did digital socializing that way while my daughter was very slowly falling asleep. So exchanged messages with other artists or mothers. Sometimes for hours. Until my daughter was finally asleep. And still felt bad about it. The phone so close to my child? I totally fell into my social media addiction again?

Recently, I talked to a friend about it and together we came to the conclusion that social media is not only bad for me. But that it also allows me a lot. Not only the visibility of my art, but also the exchange and networking with interesting people. The things I miss now that I'm a mom. Going out in the evening. Getting to know people. Being visible. I can now get that through Instagram. Just as the ARTE documentary described, during the lockdowns people met on Instagram, gave concerts, conducted interviews. That Instagram gives people a space for exchange. And that it also always goes in the direction of honest exchange. No longer just about the perfection of self-portrayal. But more and more also about honest feelings. Unvarnished faces. Honest parenthood. And and and. And that's what I find interesting again. That's what I want. I want honesty. I want us to be able to share honestly about feelings. It makes us feel less alone. And Instagram is a good platform for that. Through hashtags, I can find like-minded people. People who feel like me. Who I might never have met otherwise. Even if they live in the same neighborhood.

So yes, it's fine that I use Instagram. But I really want to reflect more on my use, schedule more use-free times. Pre-program more again. And maybe only socialize online for 20 minutes a day. Or maybe 30 minutes? And share more about my social media issues. How are you doing with that?